Simple answer to why I am so terrified to trade is the fact that I am not in a financial position to be betting money in the market. Unfortunately I skipped out on many nice trades the past few days because I am scared to lose and that is really the only reason. In reality I shouldve been in with 2-3MES yesterday holding for big HOD breaks but instead I just watched the biggest green day on ES in 1 year because I am scared money. ITs a bit depressing to admit but at the same time not sure what else I expected. Yesterday was near picture perfect. Big uptrend with a few pullbacks to 15ema and then clean continuation back through HOD over and over and over and I didnt take any of them. I think a good lesson to learn is that "when I see a great day and avoid it I will be much more likely to trade the next session even if its a much worse setup because I feel fomo." 

Lesson: If you miss the good days you will inevitebly trade the bad days and you will lose money on them. The R is so massively skewed to one side on a day like yesterday but I just bailed out so many times on clean entries.